On The Playlist: TEE SHIRT by Birdy
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I would like to think I’m a pretty resilient person. I’ve lived life struggling more than reaping rewards. Every obstacle I overcome, every mountain I climb… I can only expel a temporary sigh of relief, because I know there’s always something dark lurking just around the corner. Terrible to think this way but if you walked a mile in my shoes you’d understand.
These past few years have taught me a lot about myself. This year especially.
I’m a positive personality type but I can honestly say earlier this year I was not in a good place. I’d been seriously thinking of quitting my writing career altogether. It was a few years coming, actually. Things just weren’t happening for me. My creativity was stifled, my life was upside down and I had faced a series of health scares that made me want to embrace living even more. I’ve always said life is short—I still believe it. I’m still going through health stuff but I’m taking it a day at a time.
You know that pivotal moment in your life when everything that can go wrong, does? Well, THAT.
So in the midst of all the crap-ton piles of stress surrounding me like a fort, something clicked in my head. I decided that I wasn’t going to live another day without making some sort of changes in my life. I know it will require dedication and sacrifices but I wasn’t going to crumble that easily. That’s when I started focusing on getting back in shape, eating better, and making myself a priority. I’ve let myself go long enough and physical health is just as important as mental health. I’m not saying it’ll happen overnight but I’m prepared for the challenge. I welcome it!
I guess what resonated with me was something someone once told me… “You can’t open yourself to love when you don’t love yourself.” That’s stuck with me. I suppose no one wants to admit that this is true…it’s something many people struggle with on a daily basis. Heck, I struggle with it myself for as long as I can remember. Just as I struggle with my depression and body image disorder…although all my friends believe I’m an eternal optimist, the truth is, I need to be optimistic in order to get through each day.
Fast forward to now… after all the hellacious muck I’ve endured, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. A series of wonderful and unexpected things happened. I was invited to be in the HOT SUMMER LOVE box set with some amazing authors: Cali MacKay, Evelyn Adams, Jean Oram, and Julie Farrell. Then more amazing things started to surround me, have kept building, and keeping me busy. In fact, all the self-doubt and fear started to fade. I found myself writing again…slowly…but it was better than not writing at all. Not long after, I received emails from readers and it definitely was a reminder that I was meant to write. Of course, there’s no running from bad reviews but I learned to accept them because my stories aren’t going to appeal to everyone…but when it does capture a reader’s heart, then that’s enough for me.
BUT…getting my writing mojo back wasn’t the only positive thing.
It turns out that, while I’d given up on the idea of ever dating again after disappointing results, HE walked into my life.
Like the romances I’ve written about, I was drawn to this flame. He brought back the laughter in my heart. He simply ‘gets’ me and embraces all my eccentricities. Being in a relationship with him is straight-forward, no games or mistrust. It’s the first time I’ve felt protected and safe. It’s the first time in a relationship where I felt like a priority. There’s an inexplicable connection that frightens me a little, but I’m just going to take it a day at a time. I’m not going to think too far ahead because I want to make memories that counts. Regardless of where things lead, these are good memories and I want to capture them like fireflies in a jar to light up my creativity—and my heart…