On The Playlist: SHAKE IT OUT by Florence + The Machine
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I struggle every day with words.
At one time, I had the ability to crank out up to 50 pages or more in a day! It’s the truth. I could also finish a project in a weekend and work simultaneously on two or three books at the same time. Then life happened. Thus, began the slow decline of my writing schedule. The fire slowly smothered by all the stress and responsibilities, the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’ve tried so hard to get that flame back, just so I can build it up again, turn it into an inferno… Easier said than done.
Some days I can barely spit out a page. Some days I sit all day and stare at a blank screen. The words are locked in the recesses of my mind. I know there’s thousands of ideas and stories in there, but they’re trapped in mental limbo. I’m not really a crier. I hold things in, I don’t break easily, and I try to stay strong through all adversity—but frankly, there were nights when I cried myself to sleep wondering if I would ever get back to that place again.
Will I ever complete a novel again?
No, I’m not ready for the answer to that question. Even though I’d entertained the thought of retiring my writing career. Deep down, I knew I couldn’t walk away from a dream I’ve had since childhood. I finally made a decision…I’m going to pull up my big girl panties and own writing again. I just needed to remind myself that I love storytelling. I love my readers. I love creating something that I’m proud of—even if reviewers aren’t too fond of my voice. I know I need to let go of those demons—the insecurities, self-doubt and so on—but it’s something all writers deal with frequently. It’s something I needed to accept and move on from. Even when I thought I’d conquered those pesky obstacles…they have a way of sprouting back up…Although it’s been a few years since I’ve produced a new book, I have a lot of catch up to do in 2015. I have readers who are waiting on me and I can’t let them wait any longer. The past isn’t going to get me down and I’m making choices that will redirect me, set me on the right path.
I’ll be honest, 2014 wasn’t all bad. This is a doozy…I finally caught Prince Charming. After years of being single, I managed to find a man who is exactly how I imagined my hero to be. I know no one’s perfect, but he embodies all the qualities I wanted in a partner. Supportive, kind, caring, funny, generous, loving, and so much more. He’s chivalrous more often than not, and he truly loves me regardless of my quirks and OCD-ness. He respects me and my career. Most importantly, his love saved me. I didn’t think I’d be able to get through the hardships if I didn’t have him to lean on. His strength became my strength. I’m so thankful and grateful the Universe sent him to me. I guess I’d resigned to being single forever but if I hadn’t taken that chance, we would’ve never met. I knew he was the one when he told me he wasn’t much of a reader, but read my entire book (and a few others) and really loved them. He found me talented and inspiring. It made me blush. The cherry on top was knowing that I’d turned a non-reader into a reader…that was the greatest reward.
Yes, I’m gushing. How can I not? No words can describe the happiness he’s given me. He taught me something valuable. He taught me to believe in myself. He is my biggest fan, my best friend. What more can I ask for in a relationship? So, there you have it…there is a happily-ever-after after all. There’s still so much more for us to experience on the horizon but I can happily say that 2015 is starting out to be a kick-ass year!
Readers, if you’re reading this…I’m back! The wait is over. Hope you stay for the ride. 🙂